Now for Something Completely Different

Posted: December 15, 2014 in Art
Tags: ,

Hey all,

Worked on this little sucker tonight. It’s the Joker’s monologue from A Killing Joke. Batman comic and all.

Hope you enjoy.



An old friend from my Christian days passed away yesterday from cancer. I didn’t know how long he had it for. But I was concerned about him. You see, he came from the same charismatic evangelical background that I did. He believed he was healed. He shared videos of himself confessing his healing. He owned it.

Now he’s gone.

He leaves a wife and four grown children.

This one hits particularly close to home. He and I would connect on a regular basis and talk about art and music, theatre and film. We had a vision to, one day, produce a massive epic for the glory of god. He had the means, the funds to make it happen and together we had the dream. But, of course, of the next couple of years the church and the movement fell apart and I drifted, ultimately becoming what I am today. But I never forgot his tenacity and his vision for life. He was a good man and I will miss him.

The one thing that eats at me, though, is the way that he clung to the idea that he was free from sickness. It is a trait that is common among evangelicals, the concept of god healing people in the midst of awful and permanent sickness. And I understand the reasons, being there myself several years ago. However, in spite of what the doctors told him, he was optimistic that would survive and thrive. The video of him talking about this was posted a mere month ago. And, of course, everybody jumped on board. They were sure that he would pull through. Constant prayers around the clock were offered. And yet, cancer took him.

I understand why these things happen. Our bodies are fragile; susceptible to the wiles of nature. We are born, we live, we die. It is a process. For me, it makes it simple. But what about the believer?  I can imagine that these believers are shaken. Their faith has been tested. Will they ask the hard questions or will they declare god’s will through it all, even though it was contrary to what they were praying?

For me, the time I spent with him was good. For the place that I was in, I needed it and I’m happy for the memories. I know he is now gone and I will continue to reflect on the times we shared. And perhaps in his memory, I will continue to pursue my passions, in whatever capacity I am capable.

Thank you, BP, my creative colleague and friend. May you rest in peace.

It’s been almost a year since my wife and I began this up and down journey of separation. Since then, I’ve moved out, I moved back, I moved out again, she moved out, I moved back and moved out again. One hell of a teeter totter, if you ask me. I can’t remember the actual day that it happened but the moment is still fresh in my mind and it haunts me all the time. However, it has been a growth experience.

At this point in my life, my relationship with my wife is quite well. We talk, we share, I sometimes spend the night. We are happy, or so it seems, but I am feeling that it might not last forever. Eventually I will need to make the decision to either move back in or make the move out permanently. It scares me some, but, as we know, all good things…

In this time, I’ve made some very real decisions, some I’ve regretted and some some that I haven’t. I’ve broken hearts and mended them. I’ve not understood what I’ve wanted in life and in turn, it’s left a trail of emotional carnage behind me. I keep myself up at night wondering about those that affected with my uncertainty, hoping that life eventually found them well and ready to move on. But until I’m ready to move on and discover what I truly want for myself, I must sacrifice the temporal moments of superficial satisfaction. That’s one of the hardest positions for me to be in sometimes, being the primal beast that I am. 

But I know that today is a new day as tomorrow will be as well. It’s one step closer to discovering that holy grail that is my destiny. My time will come, that much I know. I’m optimistic about my future and that’s a good thing.

Moving On

Posted: December 20, 2013 in Future, In my mind, Relationships
Tags: , , , ,

So it’s been a month and a half since I’ve been on my own. It’s an interesting thing being a single dad and living by myself. This weekend I have my kids with me. It’s always a little unsettling when they come over but we overcome the first couple of hours and then we’re good. I do like having them here; they make me feel like life is good.

I like my new place, it comfortable and cozy. I have a lot of freedom to relax and reflect. I still don’t have a vehicle, so that puts a damper on things. But my friend has offered me his vehicle to purchase. I just have one little bill to take care of and I’ll be on my way. So that’s progress.

As for the last month and a half, a lot has happened. I met someone and found her to be one of the most captivating women I have ever met. However, it moved way too fast, in my opinion, and I felt like I had to stop it. There are times I miss her and the times we had, but I know for now, it’s for the best. It was too much, too soon. Right now is the time to find myself.

I’ve been to counselling with my wife or ex. I really don’t know what to call her. We’re still technically married but we don’t live together. It’s a strange thing. Anyways, we seem to get along better, we’ve stopped shouting and yelling at each other. We laugh, we talk. I feel that we might make better friends than lovers. I’m afraid that might be a bad thing. I guess I’m just torn and confused.

I seem to have become more open about my unbelief, especially online. I’ve outwardly stated publicly on Facebook that I am an agnostic atheist. I’m tired of hiding in the shadows regarding my unbelief. I want people to know that I’m still me, a good me, a better me. I want them to know that I will embrace them regardless of who they are. We are all on this planet together. It’s time we all got along.

So, Christmas is coming. Whatever you celebrate, if you celebrate, have a safe and happy holiday season and a prosperous new year.



Where to now?

Posted: November 10, 2013 in Future, In my mind, Relationships

A lot has happened since I last posted. After a month and a half of living on my own, my wife and I seemingly worked things out. It was good for a time. She missed me and, to be honest, I missed her.

It seems that if you ignore the things that matter, the things that need to be discussed and worked out then you risk repeating the past.

Yeah, that happened.

I couldn’t give her what she thought she wanted and I wasn’t about to be ingenuine about it. She knows I can never love god like she wants. I could have done all the other things, hold her when she was sad, hug her when she was cold, carry her when she was tired. I could have loved her. But it would never have been enough.

As of this Monday, I will, once again, be on my own. I’ve rented a room from a nice couple and most my stuff is already there. It’s different this time because I know it’s final. I can sense the inevitability. Papers have been drafted and decisions have been made and I am left wondering:

“Did we do the right thing?”


Posted: September 20, 2013 in Brain Farts

Have you ever just… stopped?

If you’re like me; inquisitive and curious, never settling with what may seem apparent around you, then you probably like to stop and pay attention to what is going on around you.

I haven’t posted in quite some time, but to make a long story short, a few months ago, my wife and I decided to patch things up and I moved back in. A lot had happened in my life since then. Things are still not where they need to be but it’s what I had to do. So, a new house, job description and new hobby later, here I am.

I went to church today.

Now, before you say anything, it was simply a hot dog dinner and my wife wanted to take the kids. It was more of a fun thing without all the indoctrination (I know, that’s how they like to lure you in, hee hee), but I was okay with that. Hey, free hot dogs.

Anyway, I met some pastor dude and gave him my number. I told him I wasn’t the church type. Of course, he says they have lots of those that go to his church. Then I told him I was a special case. Now he wants to hear my story (That’s how I lure them in, hee hee).

So back to my first thought: I just stopped at one point and paid attention. And I noticed that the people around me didn’t seem “awake”. It’s interesting watching people as if things in their lives actually have meaning. I’m not trying to be cynical, but what if we all just stopped and paid attention to the world around us. What if we stopped our business-as-usual, and started thinking about how we affect our peers and community? What if we could get inside each others’ heads; if we were overcome with a dreadful sense of empathy? How would that affect our lives? What would change? No more murder? No more theft? No more… hate?

Something to ponder?

It Is Done

Posted: June 8, 2013 in Future, Relationships

So I have officially moved out.

I am a single dad who gets to see his children when I am able.

The funny thing about this is that many think this is the end of world. Yes, it’s sad. Yes, it’s okay to be upset. But life moves on whether or not I’m here. So I take the high road and enjoy the good moments in my life.

I got to hang with the family today, went to McDonald’s, went to the park and now I’m sitting back at my old place waiting for my wife to return. Tomorrow, I will take the majority of my things and bring them to my brother’s place.

It’s been interesting. My wife is pretty excited about the new place she’s moving to. She just put down the deposit and will move at the end of the month. She’s talking about all the things she’ll be doing with the yard and house. She’ll be living next door to a new friend she found. I’m happy for her.

As for me, I’m looking forward to finding my own place. A nice apartment with extra space so the kids can come. I can begin to discover life independently.

I say, On with the Journey!